tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5393996338560944889.post1658904628384117168..comments2024-03-02T02:26:00.928-05:00Comments on bleakonomy: What not to saytetracontadigonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04604381739383227553noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5393996338560944889.post-71839792018646125362010-04-22T01:22:36.566-04:002010-04-22T01:22:36.566-04:00I really appreciate this post, Elizabeth. Not beca...I really appreciate this post, Elizabeth. Not because I say those horrible things, but because I sometimes go Deer in the Headlights and want to know the right thing to say. I don't want to sound pitying, I don't want to minimize, I don't want to pretend to have any answers. I mostly want to learn and support without seeming condescending or ignorant or callous or any of the terrible things the authors of the above comments seem.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5393996338560944889.post-85741662066593726852010-04-21T20:23:33.373-04:002010-04-21T20:23:33.373-04:00Charo, let me know how it goes. It's good that...Charo, let me know how it goes. It's good that you're getting the diagnosis soon - a speech and hearing therapist just told me that they usually like to start at 22 months.Elizabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09953173396955681485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5393996338560944889.post-36879518355114404012010-04-21T13:24:16.455-04:002010-04-21T13:24:16.455-04:00My standard rule of thumb (if I am in a situation ...My standard rule of thumb (if I am in a situation where my own comment is called for) is: what a beautiful baby, or when they get older: what a cute kid. And after I see them a few times simply say: He looks very happy today, or he looks very serious today depending on the facial expression.<br />Being a man we are raised pretty much not to hold a child, play with him, coo over him, etc. unless they are blood relatives so, in that sense, we are let off the hook. <br /><br />On a slightly different note, my 20 month old still doesn't talk outside of babble (no mama or dada or any words) The end of May he is going in for a diagnosis and so, at least for him, I am hopeful there is a lot they can do. My relatives think he is smart outside of this, but he is just very outgoing and gets into everything, which is cute for a 20 month old (and bothersome, he rotated my desktop screen 90 degrees in vista just playing with the mouse which seems clever but was completely random)<br /><br />I have a cousins daughter who is a little older and is the same way, which might be a coincidence or it might be genetic.<br /><br />As of now no one says anything, if anyone talks to any 20 month old they will all pretty much freeze except the most outgoing so I have avoided any dumb comments strangers might make.<br /><br />charoAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5393996338560944889.post-11373796078643015672010-04-20T18:05:51.648-04:002010-04-20T18:05:51.648-04:00As a pediatrician, I'd just like to endorse a ...As a pediatrician, I'd just like to endorse a few of these comments:<br /><br />1) The one about what people are eating and drinking these days. Few people are willing to "go there" and help parents feel their appropriate helping of shame. While we no longer see the suffering of children as divine punishment by a vengeful God toward their horrible parents (a societal change I, for one, lament), we can at least redirect that impulse toward making parents feel that their children's illnesses are fault-based. <br /><br />2) All children have special needs. Except if by "special" you mean "aren't shared by the vast majority of children." In that case, by "all" they probably meant "very few."<br /><br />3) Miracles do, indeed, happen every day. Except miracles where important physical structures (limbs, bits of chromosomes, etc) are missing and then grow in. Studies have shown that, statistically, <i> those</i> miracles happen closer to "never."Danhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11213051268392108382noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5393996338560944889.post-12096365533473218652010-04-20T17:43:42.266-04:002010-04-20T17:43:42.266-04:00Padraig, I agree with you on all counts. The other...Padraig, I agree with you on all counts. The others are annoying, but understandable.<br /><br />Love this: "Seriously, I need to punch you. Please go away so that I can avoid this outcome."Elizabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09953173396955681485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5393996338560944889.post-44866090043394379552010-04-20T17:31:30.567-04:002010-04-20T17:31:30.567-04:00> "If I were you, I would be too freaked
...> "If I were you, I would be too freaked <br />> out to have another child." Dear Lord.<br /><br />Wow.<br /><br />Most of the rest of them, I'll chalk up to random insensitivity or very unintentionally insulting (but somewhat understandable) given the awkward and most people's inability to deal... or, for the God comments, people's assumptions that your method of dealing will match theirs.<br /><br />That one is the clear winner for "Seriously, I need to punch you. Please go away so that I can avoid this outcome."padraighttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06567721244433276365noreply@blogger.com