Car dealer: What can I do for you today?
Parent: I'm looking for transportation for my child.
Car dealer: Splendid! We have many fine automobiles to choose from.
Parent: Oh, I'm not looking for an automobile.
Car dealer: Come again?
Parent: I've heard too much about people being struck by meteors while riding in cars. I'm not comfortable with the risk that my child might be struck by a meteor.
Car dealer: But that's ridiculous. The car isn't to blame if you happen to get struck by a meteor while riding in it. You could just as easily have been struck by a meteor outside of a car. Most people struck by meteors weren't in cars in the first place.
Parent: I'm sorry, but I'm not comfortable. I've just heard too much about meteors and cars in "People." I want something else.
Car dealer: But cars are clearly the best kind of transportation for your family! They've revolutionized transportation! The difference in transportation before and after cars is indescribable!
Parent: I'm sorry, but I remain uncomfortable. I'd like something more natural for my family. What do you have by way of rickshaws?
Car dealer: Rickshaws?
Parent: Yes. That way, we could see the meteor coming.
Car dealer: We don't have rickshaws. We only have cars. We really believe that cars make the most sense for families that need to transport children.
Parent: My, but you do go on. Fine. I will consider a car. But I prefer to do it my way.
Car dealer: Excellent. We have many excellent options. What did you have in mind?
Parent: I would like my car one piece at a time.
Car dealer: WHAT?!?!?
Parent: Yes. Bit by bit. I haven't heard of any possible axle-related meteor injuries. I feel comfortable with an axle. We'll go with one of those.
Car dealer: ...
Parent: If we haven't been hit by a meteor in two months, we'll come back for a door.
Car dealer: You can't be serious.
Parent: I am. Saw it on "Oprah."
Car dealer: Fine. Yes. Fine. An axle. Who am I to judge? Right this way.
Parent: Do you have it in green?
Posts
97th Oscars Projections: The Awards Season Kickoff
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The fact is that elections' results have, and will, affect what Academy
voters' tastes are like for the season.
The post 97th Oscars Projections: The Awa...
7 hours ago
I'd get it one piece at a time
ReplyDeleteAnd it wouldn't cost me a dime
You'll know it's me when I come through your town
I'm gonna ride around in style
I'm gonna drive everybody wild
'Cause I'll have the only one there is a round.
And to contribute, I recently wrote a small article about parents who were reluctant to have their kids vaccinated because the original 1973 vaccinations were derived from stem cells or something... SHEESH let's just bring back smallpox, ok?
ReplyDeleteYou have something against rickshaws? they are environmentally safe, are great exercise, nobody has ever died from drunk rickshaw driving, and are very, very economical. And yes, come to think of it, you could probably see a meteor coming at you moreso than you can sitting in a car.
ReplyDeleteSigned, Charo
From the Society for the prevention of cruelty to rickshaws and rickshaw drivers. (SPCRRD)
This is too funny! I'm a pretty hippy-dippy mom, but the whole anti-vax thing just drives me crazy.
ReplyDeleteEXACTLY what I needed to read today!
ReplyDelete