Teeeeee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee

Oh, mercy. This gives me an uncontrollable case of the giggles. (H/t HuffPo)

At the Family Research Council’s Values Voters Summit today, FRC Senior Fellow Pat Fagan, Heritage Foundation scholar Matthew Spalding and Michael Schwartz, the chief of staff for Sen. Tom Coburn, held a discussion on “The New Masculinity.”

[snip]

SCHWARTZ: And one of the things that he said to me, that I think is an astonishingly insightful remark. He said, “all pornography is homosexual pornography because all pornography turns your sexual drive inwards. Now think about that. And if you, if you tell an 11-year-old boy about that, do you think he’s going to want to go out and get a copy of Playboy? I’m pretty sure he’ll lose interest. That’s the last thing he wants.” You know, that’s a, that’s a good comment. It’s a good point and it’s a good thing to teach young people.

Schwartz then added a slight caveat, saying, “if it doesn’t turn you homosexual, it at least renders you less capable of loving your wife. And it’s something you need to be healed of.” [emphasis in original source text]

Where to begin? Where, oh where, oh where?

First of all, I don't really know which 11-year-old boys Schwartz knows, or how long ago he was that age, but I distinctly remember most of my peers when I was 11 or 12 being veeeeeeeerrrrrry interested in Playboy, despite all manner of parental disapproval. While perhaps the odd (in a variety of senses of the word) preteen boy might be dissuaded by being told it will make him gay, somehow I doubt that the effect would be particularly lasting.

Also, don't a whole heck of a lot of preteen and teenage boys, not to mention their older counterparts, read Playboy and the like? Wouldn't you expect there to be a lot more gay guys if Playboy made people that way?

Oh, and one last thing. Back in the day, when all my friends were totally into centerfolds and swimsuit issues and such, guess who was totally not interested in any of it. At all. And was forced to pretend when really he just found the whole boob fascination totally confounding. Yours gaily.

So, while I'm not 100% sure what did turn me gay, I'm 100% sure it had nothing to do with all the Playboys I feigned interest in. What's really sad, of course, is that the Senator whose chief of staff is peddling this scientifically void crack-pottery? He's an MD.