Cornering the market on crazy

The Plank had not one but two delightful quotes today from our friends at The Corner. I don't read the National Review, because for all the amusement it might provide, I would also be at serious risk of having my head explode. (My friend and occasional fellow commenter Elizabeth has made this mistake occasionally, and has warned me that the effects on her blood pressure have been dire.) Thus, I am grateful to the good people at The New Republic for doing it for me. (Kudos for the award, guys!)

First, there was this:

It would be interesting to see the results of a more finely calibrated poll, one that compares how well-respected, competent, and effective the subject is perceived to be relative to similarly situated individuals. As a friend succinctly puts it, "When that big asteroid finally heads toward Earth, who's the person you'd most want to be in charge?" I suspect Cheney would score at or near the top.

Oh, goody. I love games like this. What if the Earth were invaded by aliens? (I vote Obama, what with his being a Vulcan and all.) What about aliens in pantsuits? (Clinton, natch.) But I disgress...

Seriously, I'm not sure who Peter Kirsanow is, or what goes on in his mind, but I'm pretty sure the uniform response of any person in charge if an asteroid heads toward Earth would be "blow that [one with carnal knowledge of mothers] up," regardless of political party. As amusing as he might find it to imagine Obama demanding that the asteroid be properly Mirandized, Mr. Kirsanow's ridiculous question is embarrassing, even for The Corner.

Luckily for Peter Kirsanow, Mitt Romney has done him a solid, and said something even stupider about Dick Cheney.

Vice President Cheney has been the target of every media, from mainstream to comic. But he spoke today as before without regard to the politics but with abiding respect for the truth. Barack Obama is still hanging on to the campaign trail. He said that the last thing he thinks about when he goes to sleep at night is keeping America safe. That's a big difference with Vice President Cheney—when it came to protecting Americans, he never went to sleep.

No sleep, huh? Maybe if he'd had a little shut-eye, he wouldn't have had all those heart attacks. (I treasure the mental image of Dick Cheney demanding that his eyes be prised open in defiance of the terrorists, a la A Clockwork Orange.) Yet, even sleep-deprived, he'd still blast the hell out of any meddlesome asteroids.

So, again, a tip of the hat to The Plank. In addition to its nice little recap of the Obama v. Cheney security speeches today, it's given me enough fodder to keep chuckling all night.