I can no longer maintain my facade

I'm sorry. It's just too much work. You got me, Tea Baggers. (*snerk*) I give in. Pinochle.

From TNR (in an article I apparently missed when it first appeared):
“This isn’t a Democratic administration. This is a progressive administration,” explained Representative John Shadegg, of Arizona. “And they want to destroy everything that you and I think is great about this country.”
No... I... we. The thing is... Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. You got me, John Shadegg.

I think I speak for all progressives when I say, yes. Yes. Yes, America, I want to destroy everything that is great about you.

Freedom of religion? Gone. Forget it. Maybe some Unitarians can squeak by, but only if they refer to God as "Shkler." Oh, and also Jeremiah Wright. He can stay.

Private property? Hah! Clearly the 9/12 brain trust has discovered that all progressives only pretend to own property, and actually inhabit a vast, subterranean system of tunnels. Like moles, but with bright pink t-shirts.

Mom? Only if she's a lesbian.

Baseball? Forget it, people. You'll have to do without your phallocentric pastimes.

Whew. It feels so, so good to get that off my chest. It's such a relief, you know? Destroying America is really hard on its own, much less while trying to maintain the ruse that I merely care about a country where people can afford to get medical care and marry the consenting adult of their choice.

Thanks, Rep. Shadegg. I owe you a solid.

1 comment:

  1. Apple pie? Only if it's alar-free, locally sourced organic apples. And hey, no trans-fat in the crust. And no salt. And DEFINITELY no refined sugar. In fact, nothing that tastes good.