Burt Likko, if you're reading...

then have I got an attraction for you.


Sadly, the above illustration isn't real, but merely the creation of those jokers at TPM in response to this story:
The Kentucky Tourism Development Finance Authority has granted preliminary approval for a creationist theme park to get up to $37 million in tax incentives, the Lexington Herald-Leader reports.

The theme park -- dubbed Ark Encounter -- is backed by both Kentucky Gov. Steve Beshear (D) and Answers in Genesis, a Christian organization that also built a similar attraction, the Creation Museum.

If there's one thing the world needs, it's a theme park devoted to creationism, subsidized by taxpayers. It sounds like what would happen if the Texas Board of Education seized control of Disneyland.
Ark Encounter will include all the modern recreation amenities, including: a full-sized wooden ark, a "walled city much like was found in ancient times, a replica of the Tower of Babel with exhibits, a first-century Middle Eastern village" and even outdoor parking. The park is scheduled to open in the spring of 2014.
A Tower of Babel replica, with exhibits! Hot damn! Sounds like I need to get the Critter there pronto, so I can teach him about biology and linguistics at the very same time!

By the way, I am sadly aware of the (D) behind the name of the politician mentioned above. It's a good reminder that there is no shortage of lunatics in my party of choice. But back to the fun!
In the news release announcing the plans, Beshear touted that the park would create around 900 jobs and bring 1.6 million tourists to the state in its first year. Those numbers were based on a feasability study, commissioned by Ark Encounters LLC -- a study that state officials, including Beshear, reportedly never actually saw.
From the article linked above:
The state doesn't have a copy of the report, according to responses to requests under the Open Records Act sent by the Herald-Leader to the state tourism and economic development departments and to the governor's office.

First of all, this story explains a lot about the lengthy Senate career of Jim Bunning.

I think you all know where this is going, right? Doesn't America need Dan Land, a massive theme park that celebrates the contributions of sarcastic homosexuals to the country's greatness? Wouldn't Lexington be a great location? I have, in my possession, a detailed report that guarantees the creation of 7,249 jobs and the attraction of 49 million tourists, and all for the low, low price of $17 million in bearer bonds. I can't actually produce the report, but there's no reason a trusting public servant like Gov. Beshear shouldn't take my word for it.

In all seriousness, I would totally love to be one of the 1.6 million tourists who bought a ticket for this boondoggle. Particularly if I could con certain friends into going with me. (You know who you are.) The laughs that come with a Tower of Babel replica (with exhibits!) are cheap at any price.


  1. You know, if you just look at the dollars and cents, the jobs created and increased tax revenues make this a defensible proposition.

    Oh, sure, there's that whole Establishment Clause thingy that gets in the way of states like Kentucky helping Spread The Good News. And there's the issue of the state encouraging people to believe the risible mythology of Genesis as though it were literally true. And the fact that the mere presence of an Ark Museum within its borders renders the state of Kentucky something of a laughingstock.

    But the real problem is, how is the Ark Encounter going to compete with Dan Land? Because given the choice of spending all day gazing at fiberglass mold casts of Lot's Sodium-Enriched Wife and terrified kangaroo babies caged next to the velociraptors, I'd much, much rather help sarcastic homosexuals and their friends make a collection of cocktails disappear as though by magic.

  2. I just spat coffee all over my screen upon reading "Lot's Sodium-Enriched Wife."