Random thoughts on the Golden Globes

1) Can someone explain why Nancy O'Dell thought it would be a good idea to interview Sigourney Weaver and Beyonce at the same time? Because they didn't seem to know each other, or have anything at all in common. Each was forced to stand there smiling awkwardly while the other one made random red carpet small talk. (Almost like the endless stream of celebrity spouses, who must take classes in keeping slightly pained smiles pasted motionlessly on their various faces.) Ditto Steven Spielberg and the Tina Fey/Amy Poehler cluster, though everyone there seemed united by a shared sense of awesomeness. Maybe Nancy O'Dell started drinking early? It would explain her hairstyle.

2) Speaking of hairstyles -- Drew Barrymore, I don't know why you and Jessica Lange decided to celebrate your job presenting together by styling yourselves to look exactly alike, but it's not a good look for you. It makes you look like Helena Bonham Carter's blond but equally-crazy American cousin. Maybe less acreage for your hair next year. (Also, tell your friend Cameron Diaz to wash hers.)

3) Times must be tough for J. Lo, who apparently crafted her dress out of repurposed Christmas wrap.

4) What's with the cocaine jokes, Colin Farrell and Seth Rogen? Drug humor helps soften the blow of the poor economy? (Did you see what I did there? Cocaine? Blow? Oh, never mind.) Anyway, it seemed in poor taste.

5) Sally Hawkins, you seem to be a lovely person. Congratulations on your win for "Happy-Go-Lucky." Please celebrate by eating an entire pie.

6) Take your hands out of your pockets when you present, Zac Efron. And spit out that gum, Colin Farrell. I realize that this is the Golden Globes, but please pretend to take the job seriously.

7) And on that note -- hey, Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences! Look at what you have done to Kate Winslet! You have reduced her to caring about the Golden Globes. Please give her an Oscar this year, as she has richly deserved a long time, so she can join the Meryl Streep/Emma Thompson/Sally Field coterie of women who don't have to pretend to care about winning a Golden Globe. (By the way, Kate, you looked amazing.)