How to avoid making yourself pathetic

It must be terribly, terribly hard to be self-loathing. I mean that with utter sincerity. It must be truly awful to hate a part of one's self that simply cannot be changed, that is innate and immutable. Shedding any residual internalized homophobia was a nice part of growing up, and the memory of said internalized homophobia is one of the myriad reasons I have absolutely no time for fundamentalist Christianity.

I have a certain degree of pity for California state Senator Roy Ashburn, who was picked up for a DUI after reportedly leaving a gay nightclub with an unidentified male companion. Sen. Ashburn apparently has quite an anti-gay record, and his decision to act out his personal drama by making the lives of gays and lesbians in his state markedly worse blunts my sympathy to a great degree. But he must surely be a miserable man, all the more so now.

First of all, can we all take a moment to observe that a man like Ashburn would surely have chosen not to be gay if it were subject to personal choice. Can we lay to rest the notion that being gay is something for which people can opt in or out? If this were a choice, this man would not have checked the "Homo" box.

On the subject of personal choices, however, Sen. Ashburn has made some confusing ones. If you have hitched your wagon to the anti-gay agenda so ardently that the world is your petard, you should probably avoid the more well-trafficked gay night spots. And you should definitely ask your new friends to drive themselves to your assignations. And you should definitely, positively always obey all relevant driving laws when driving around with your new friend. (That one should avoid drinking and driving should go without saying, and applies to everyone everywhere.) To behave otherwise (a pattern I like to call Foley's Folly) is a perfect example of hubris in the classical sense of the term, without the benefit of a Greek chorus to wander around and try to talk you out of it.


  1. It's quite kind of you to have sympathy for him and for recognizing the self-hatred that must go along with despising homosexuality even if it's part of who you are. I have no sympathy for him, because he has a spiteful, angry, loathsome voting record. And because he drove while intoxicated. Lie to yourself, lie to your family...don't make it part of your career to hurt people you know damned well can't opt out of who they are; and don't endanger lives by being so self absorbed you can't have your gay lover or a cab drive you home.
    Nevertheless, "checking the Homo box" still made me smile.

  2. no, no, no, you got it all wrong, he was there counseling Homosexuals in how not to be gay and the person he was driving with was so convinced he was willing to go with him right then and there to be converted and baptized right away. As to his drinking, some nasty homosexual spiked his milk with some tasteless alcohol all to frame him. This is honestly and truly what happened, so help me God. I know this because his this is what he told his wife and she knows he would never lie.